Deschooling your inner baby
I’m still reading The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff and it absolutely blows my mind!!!
I started healing childhood wounds, learning about subconscious believes and all sorts of self-development techniques almost 15 years ago but her book goes so much deeper and despite the old fashioned way of writing that wasn’t that easy to understand for me in the beginning, I’ve never read a book so clearly written about why us westerners are unhappy and damaged.
I’ve been recommending this book to almost every person I’ve spoken to since I started reading it. Today I told my dad about it and sent him the Amazon link to purchase it.
Terms like stopping generational trauma, deschooling and healing the inner child make real sense now that I’ve read Jean’s book.
Let’s have a closer look into what these things mean…
STOPPING GEBERATIONAL TRAUMA
Breaking cycles of generational trauma refers to actual physical, psychological and emotional traumas and abuse that happened to your ancestors that have been passed on to you through your genes and also by repeating what happened towards the next generation.
DESCHOOLING
Deschooling is the process of letting a child do whatever they want after taking her out of school to start a more freedom based approach such as homeschooling or unschooling after the deschooling time is over. They say that it takes a child one month per year of school they’ve gone through to free themselves of the negative effect the system has had on them to then continue with a beginners mind and focus on their interests rather than what they think is expected of them to make others happy, proud or to get their approval.
HEALING THE INNDER CHILD
Negative experiences that we have had in our childhood that led us to build belief systems to keep us safe which are still running our mental computer system like a programmed robot is what needs to be addressed and let go of to heal the inner child.
In The Continuum Concept Jean explains how every time we’re too long and too often apart from our mother or father or another caretaker that we feel close to as a baby - it could also be described as missing out on the ‘in-arms phase‘ - we feel disconnected from them and insecurity builds inside of us. In a case where too much neglect and maybe also abuse happened, the child will turn into a severe addict later in life. However, over-eating, thinking that cars, houses, clothes, jewellery, a partner, a successful career etc will make you happy means just as much being an addict than using heroin or alcohol to fill that gap you never received as a BABY - I’m using capitals because it didn’t start when you were 4, 6 or 8 years old child, it started within your mother’s womb and your trauma was being reinforced every time you didn’t receive the nurturing you as an ‘instinctual being‘ needed to feel safe, loved and worthy of your mother’s affection.
WHAT TO DO NOW?
As generational trauma is something you cannot stop from being passed through genes, the only things you can do are the following:
Talking about it with your family - with your parents and children - will help uncover history and can lead to realizations that will have a freeing effect on you all. Your children can also see how to deal with trauma and that people live on, how to work on their issues that the trauma(s) brought along and that people can still be happy
Building resilience - If you have resilient traits your children will learn them too. However, when you go the unschooling way and you give your children the freedom to explore, make mistakes without shame, if you let them get hurt, be around when they need you (when they hurt and when they need help or support of other sorts), your children will naturally become resilient
You could also talk to an expert in this field if you see that your parents are not open to communicating their past and feelings or that you’re stuck even after learning about your generational traumas
Deschooling happens naturally after you’ve left school whether you’re aware of it or not, however, the more consciously you do it, the better because then you can actually take time and make conscious decisions, observe your thoughts and feelings about what’s going on in your life and within you. Jean gives examples of heroin addicts stopping their addiction after many years of using them because it gave them the nurture they so much required to fill the hole inside. When you become aware of your subconscious behaviours and addictions you’re using to fulfil your unmet needs, however small they may be, you can nurture your inner baby/child that is screaming for love and attention and bit by bit (but healthier and probably faster than continuing your addictive behaviour), in a very gentle way - just like you would treat a crying baby - you’ll become a more wholesome person who’s not seeking so much approval and love from others because you can give it to yourself.
That’s how you heal your inner child using ‘deschooling‘ and this way you’ll be able to offer your children a more unconditional love and freedom that will stop the generational trauma.
This short article is a summary of what I’ve read in The Continuum Concept and my own thoughts, therefore I highly recommend reading the book yourself.
Let me know your thoughts and have a nice day!
Sylvia
