I prefer not to
What Barnaby Taught Us About Learning and Free Will
In my personal life, I’ve been engaging deeply with the topic of setting boundaries over the past 10 days, especially since my husband, who works as a mind coach, had a personal revelation that he shared with me. This theme has since been at the center of many of our conversations and the focus of observation in our own behaviors. It marked a breakthrough moment that triggered a series of insights, leading us to realize that our ability to set boundaries has strengthened significantly. And it feels AMAZING!!!
It’s no coincidence that today, after months of setting it aside, I picked up John Taylor Gatto’s audiobook to finish it.
In the final chapter of *Weapons of Mass Instruction*, the author tells the story of Barnaby, a student who defied the conventions of traditional education with the simple but profound declaration, “I prefer not to.” This phrase, which may sound passive, actually carries revolutionary power. For Gatto, Barnaby’s gentle refusal embodies the spirit of unschooling, the ability to question and reject systems that stifle curiosity and individual growth. It’s a reminder that the ability to say “no” — to exams, to standardized learning, to rigid systems — is a crucial tool in the journey toward true, self-directed education.
In the world of unschooling, we often talk about fostering intrinsic motivation, nurturing curiosity, and respecting the individuality of each learner. Barnaby’s story brings these values into focus. He was not lazy, unintelligent, or defiant in a traditional sense. He was, in Gatto’s words, a young person aware of his autonomy and willing to defend it. By choosing not to participate in exams and evaluations, Barnaby was reclaiming his right to an education that made sense to him. He was rejecting the idea that his worth or abilities could be boiled down to a letter grade or a percentile rank.
Barnaby’s “I prefer not to” resonates deeply with the ethos of unschooling. In an unschooling community, learning is pursued not because it’s mandated, but because it’s meaningful and relevant to each learner’s life. Rather than viewing exams and standardized tests as the ultimate markers of success, unschooling values a deeper, more personalized approach to learning. The pressure to conform, to achieve by external standards, is replaced by an emphasis on exploring passions, discovering strengths, and respecting the natural learning rhythms of each individual.
John Taylor Gatto understood that one of the most powerful things a student can learn is how to refuse what doesn’t serve them. This idea isn’t about shirking responsibility; rather, it’s about exercising free will in a way that aligns with one’s values and genuine interests. Exams, after all, are designed to measure conformity and compliance as much as they are meant to assess knowledge. The freedom to say, “I prefer not to,” is the freedom to prioritize one’s learning journey over the arbitrary demands of the system.
In many ways, Barnaby’s story is also a call to parents and educators. It challenges us to examine our own beliefs about education and question the value of the “academic hoops” students are so often forced to jump through. By encouraging our kids to question, resist, and reclaim their own education, we empower them to take control of their lives and learning.
So when people ask why we don’t send our children to school, Gatto’s response seems the most fitting: “I prefer not to.” It’s a simple yet powerful way to honor our right to an education that aligns with our values.
Barnaby’s journey demonstrates that learning is not a passive act; it’s something alive and full of potential. Through Gatto’s story, we’re reminded that saying “no” to what doesn’t feel right is often the first step toward saying “yes” to a life of authentic, joyful learning. And perhaps, that’s one of the greatest lessons we can give our children: the courage to choose, to think for themselves, and to reclaim the power of their own voice in a world that too often tries to silence it.
